by Christopher Barnes

Our mothers don’t get enough credit for the way they physically assaulted us with sunscreen as kids.

Jul 14th, 2019 via twitter

by Christopher Barnes

There is nothing more Long Island than the headline: “Belligerent Man Causes Altercation at Bagel Shop”

Jul 11th, 2019 via twitter

by Christopher Barnes

If I’ve learned anything from Shawn Mendes it’s that maybe if I wear more necklaces girls will like me.

Jul 10th, 2019 via twitter

by Christopher Barnes

Do you think when Pete Buttigieg’s campaign calls people to raise money they call it a “Buttigieg dial”?

Jul 9th, 2019 via twitter

by Christopher Barnes

Firework technology hasn’t made ANY advancements in 300 years... Let’s step it up China !

Jul 5th, 2019 via twitterStaff Pick

by Christopher Barnes

‘???????????????? ???????????? ???????????????? ???????????????????? ???????????????????? ???????????????????? ???????????? ???????????? ???????????????????????? ????????????????????????????, ???????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????? ???????? ???????? ????????????????????????????

Jul 3rd, 2019 via twitter

by Christopher Barnes

I think the worst thing Scooter Braun ever did was be a 38 year old man who goes by “Scooter”.

Jul 2nd, 2019 via twitter

by Christopher Barnes

White Claws are great for when you want to feel hydrated and extremely dehydrated at the same time.

Jul 1st, 2019 via twitter

by Christopher Barnes

How I know weed has gotten more powerful over the years:

In the 60’s,they smoked and planned a music festival...

Last summer I took a hit and forgot how chairs worked....

Jun 28th, 2019 via twitter

by Christopher Barnes

Do you think my dentist knows that when I say “I floss” I mean vigorously the morning of my appointment to make up for 6 months of not flossing?

Jun 27th, 2019 via twitter

by Christopher Barnes

After being in the workforce for 3 years I’m excited that I might finally have enough experience for an “entry level job”.

Jun 26th, 2019 via twitter

by Christopher Barnes

*Carpool Karaoke but instead of singing it’s just O.J. with a gun headed north on the 5 in a white Ford Bronco.

Jun 21st, 2019 via twitter